Story/lesson: Let go and let flow

Hi, I don’t know that this is the place for this but I’m going to share anyway.

This is even more of a reason to get a place for stories together. (I will be able to actually form a group to ensure this happens soon, give me a little time)

The past several weeks have been rough but good. The inner space where I couldn’t speak because I was dealing with a very hard inner process, I want to share what it was.

I started a process of letting a part of me die. A part of me that had teamed with me and served me. My heart was in so much pain that day but I could feel the death of this part of me was important so I stayed with it and I grieved. I didn’t know at that time what part of me was in that dying process but as I sat with it and after the death, I saw what wasn’t there anymore. I realized it was the part of me that was willing to sacrifice myself for the cause, for my work, for the earth, for the world. It had teamed with me. Served me. Kept me holding a passion no matter the cost to myself. It was important.

I let that part die and then tried to live my life the way I had before this. I pushed forward for the sake of my cause trying to recreate what was gone. I think a day or so after the death, I had an allergic reaction. That reaction made me miss an important ambassador academy session, it sucked the life out of my muscles and my whole body to the point I didn’t have the physical strength to take care of the soil and plants at our plant nursery, my farming area, educational show garden, my own personal garden. Despite that, I still pushed forward trying replace the part of me that was missing and force my body to keep my plant world alive and get back in the ambassador academy but I hit a point where I had to let go. I had to let die whatever was meant to die. I stopped pushing, I stopped visiting my farm area, I let other people manage the plant nursery, I let the show garden take care of itself, I let the ambassador academy do its thing.

An interesting turn of events followed: My farm area ran itself (the “weeds” got out of control), people managed the nursery and all the plants stayed alive, the show garden ran itself and still looks beautiful, I took extensive time for myself for the first time in a long time, and my partner in life took the role of caring for what I couldn’t. My true authentic life force began to return.

The “weeds” in my farm area turned out to be 80% edible. Though they blocked some of the plants from the sun, mostly everything stayed alive. I made a lovely pasta dinner with the “weeds” a few nights ago and now I don’t want to eat anything else. Haha. My home garden got a bit more love and attention. I could sit by the pond and hang out with my turtles again. The ambassador academy offered a make up session which doesn’t usually happen so I was able to continue the ambassador academy. The farm area grew incredibly huge, thriving, high producing plants and extremely abundant. I think the whole town would not go hungry with all that grew. :joy: All my hard work on the soil set it up for a good foundation for it to live without me.

Now in this new space I feel really vulnerable. I can’t show up the same way I have before. Zoom calls seem to all be having one problem or another to keep me from participating as much as I would otherwise do or I completely space calls that are important. I can’t go into the plant nursery, I can only visit the farm area occasionally, I am pretty much home bound left to really ask myself where me AND my passions sit in this world and to start working on things that are important to me without sacrificing me (I have no idea what that looks like yet)

Through this process I learned one thing. No matter how much passion you have for something, it is never worth sacrificing yourself for it. The cause is not greater than you. And the most important part of this lesson was that when you do what is best for you and you take care of you:
*The wild is set free to become more abundant than you could have planned.
*Everything works out in unexpected ways that are more aligned with you than if you sacrificed yourself.
*What is authentically right for you actually is right for everyone else in ways you cannot know.
*Your cause is nothing without you.

Thank you for having me on this journey with you even at the times where I must be silent. :green_heart::blue_heart::purple_heart: Feel free to share bellow how this spoke to you or didn’t speak to you. Or feel free to be silent. Silence lets messages speak and is just as important as speaking.

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Thanks for sharing @RachelR - that did speak to me. With the constant terrible news about planetary boundaries being crossed, forests burning etc, I was feeling that maybe I have to give everything to ease the suffering that is coming. But I will think again if that’s the right way to frame it.

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Thank you for being with us @RachelR, for sharing your painful yet valuable lesson learned and for being vulnerable. :revolving_hearts:

And oh @guyjames I hear you. :fist:

I believe it is a bit of both. If we want to act with purpose from our hearts, we need to take care of ourselves. We must stand up for our inner health and well-being first. It doesn’t help the planet or each other if we are exhausted. Well done Rachel for listening truly to your inner health, it is indeed painful to let go but so rewarding when you let it flow. :brown_heart:

As for the painful reality of our planetary boundaries, I feel the rush to hurry as well, while my inner voice is constantly telling me, we are not ready yet. I wish we would have had maybe another year but as we all know there is no negotiating with physics. I think the main challenge for us lies in identifying the truly potent moments instead of falling for the speediness trap, which brings exhaustion and burn out as we constantly play catch up game.

Just the other day, I learned about different levels of empathy which was new and very eye opening to me. There is a difference between empathic distress (imagining yourself to be that person) and empathic concern (compassionate, with a clear distinction between yourself and the other person).

In distress you tune out, you shut down, you don’t engage. Being concerned let you still have hope and you might be animated to act. I noticed how often my emotions lately slide into empathetic distress because of the planetary collapse we are experiencing in full force; for example I spend less time on climate twitter because I am scared of the next doom tweet in my newsfeed.

Knowing now the distinction between being in empathetic distress and empathetic concern helps me to stay as best as I can in the concern space. I’ve realised that I slowed down my pace in life; I spend more and longer times in nature, I take the space I need to listen to my inner voice.

Be kind to yourself :sunflower: :green_heart:

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@guyjames that is the hardest part. Letting things burn that are burning. There is a huge fire happening out here and all I can feel is the wild life distress! Ah! I have to just let it burn, though it’s in the back of my mind the change I eventually want to instill. It’s not yet. And it’s not worth the sacrifice of myself but it is worth the passion and drive I have inside to make it happen. I can do so much more if I don’t sacrifice myself for it. I am so glad this resonated with you! And sometimes suffering is a part of progression. As hard as it is, sometimes it’s best to let things be with their process whatever it might be. What’s authentically right for you is right for others. Thank you for your words guy!

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Thank you for appreciating @Kath.PlanetHive.

Yes that is such an important lesson to learn the difference. There are many times I sit with something and feel the pain of it like a wild fire or disaster, etc. I think it is at times good to sit with things but making the distinction between your concern, care, respect and other peoples/beings hurt, suffering, pain is very important. I don’t think it’s bad to feel for them, to be with them, to feel with them but also allowing and trusting their process with it and knowing the distinction between yours and theirs. The only way you can feel with them is to know yours vs others otherwise you get lost in theirs as if it is your own and it clutters your ability to deal with your own and get to a to a place where you can see clearly enough for you to interact with them in a good way and know what right for you to be a part of and what’s not.

@Kath.PlanetHive thank you for your wisdom!

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Reading your story gave me chills everywhere @RachelR .
Thank you! :heart:
Thank you for sharing so beautifully, so openly.

And so much gratitude for your kind reminder that the Regeneration of Earth that we are all here for…starts within, it starts with us. :blossom:

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Thank you Anna! I am so glad you resonated. I appreciate you and your words so much!

Sorry I didn’t see this sooner. My process is still in motion so I’m in and out of being involved. I am going through “see things clearly” then “gain vision” then “transform life” so at the moment my inner work is crumbling my outer world but I know it is only to bring the outer to resonate with what is inside. So I’m excited but it’s hard to say goodbye to the life I have deeply loved even when it no longer works for me. And it’s hard to wash it crash down around me and to realize how much of my outer world I was holding up. Without me it crumbles, that is not sustainable. I’m opening up for the new and it’s scary and hard but important.

I appreciate all you do in RE and thank you for appreciating the power of the inner world. That inner world is the only thing strong enough to transform the outer world. It’s so weird to think about how true that is.