Exploration Group : Conflict in Regenerative Culture

1st MEETING - 27 JULY 2021
A 1st meeting session on 27th July with @Joost, @Aryabhatta, @spirit, and myself was held a few weeks ago. Here are key items discussed in the meeting :

Meet 1 . Thank you to @spirit for notetaking and summarising.

After a few discussions on this channel, we agreed to meet for a 2nd meeting on Friday 13 Aug in order to explore conflict within SEEDS Guide and ecosystem and co-create a RE exploration group with @ana.healingwords#3393 guidance.

2ND MEETING -13 AUG MEETING: Outputs and Next Steps
Officially, we are now kickstarting the RE exploration group members consisting of: @Joost, @Aryabhatta, @spirit, @ana.healingwords, @Kath, @DaYa, @Melanie - WirGeschichten, @LaLaGardens , @psihognjen, @thaybebe

WORKING DOCS relating to 13 Aug meeting:

Mural Board: MURAL

Video recording from 13 Aug meeting: Video recording

Our google drive folder: SEEDS RE Exploration Group - Conflict in Regenerative Culture - Google Drive

Resource Info:
How to become an RE Exploration Group (from @ana.healingwords#3393)

4 Likes

@Nadim and myself are included as part of the Exploration group.

Unfortunately as new participant in this Discourse forum, I can only now add 10 mention names per post (from 2 mentions). Apologies @Nadim, I had to add you in a different post.

NEXT STEPS as agreed at Friday 13th Aug 2021 meeting:

  1. Everyone contributes further ideas, questions, and anything else to Mural board

  2. So far, there are 10 ideas/topics
    Connect to a proposed idea/topic that speaks to you and add your name to the idea on Mural board. Please connect to each other and work in a smaller working group to further research

  3. Add further info from research results to the 10 topic ideas.

  4. Agree regular time/ date for RE Exploration Group meetings.
    Next meeting will focus on shared vision/ intention (using Prosocial process).

  5. Officially include exploration group into RE Exploration Group and calendar for future meeting. Co-ordinate with @anahealingwords

1 Like

Discussions on restorative justice and links between @Apostol and myself in Discord - conflict resolution channel, specifically around Dominic Barter - founder of Restorative Justice.

https://restorativejustice.org.uk/what-restorative-justice

3 Likes

DRAMA TRIANGLE - A VICIOUS CONFLICT CYCLE (V1.0)

Drama Triange-  Conflict Loop - Resized v2.0

Conflict in a dynamical feedback loop from the Drama Triangle that people often get caught up in - Victim, Bully/ Perpetrator, Rescuer.

The arrows are the relationship interaction creating more energetic dissonance and disconnection between each other, resulting in a co-created unhealthy culture, often unconscious and unseen, or denied or avoided.

The culture system needs to be made visible by all taking accountability of one’s part to play without blaming/ shaming in order to be addressed and move forward.

For larger image of the causal loop diagram above, please go to the post in the Conflict Resolution channel

ALSO V2.0 SCENARIO can be found in this 2nd post message in the Conflict Resolution channel.

This version 2.0 is a deeper look at the vicious cycle when the roles shift from one to another in a never-ending conflict loop.(edited)

@Joost, @spirit, @ana.healingwords, @Kath, @DaYa, @LaLaGardens , @psihognjen, @thaybebe, @Melanie - WirGeschichten

1 Like

Wonderful to have all these beautiful spaces to connect. Thank you @Mila for prepping and steering the boat so beautifully. :sailboat:

I would like to cross post the Pro Social Exploration Group here as it is indeed inter-dependent as it is Core Design Principle 6:

CDP1: Shared identity and purpose.
CDP2: Equitable distribution of contributions and benefits.
CDP3: Fair and inclusive decision-making.
CDP4: Monitoring of agreed behaviours.
CDP5: Graduated responding to helpful and unhelpful behaviour
CDP6: Fast and fair conflict resolution
CDP7: Authority to self-govern (according to principles 1-6).
CDP8: Collaborative relations with other groups (using principles 1-7)

@DaYa to your question if we should merge both exploration groups, I would prefer if we keep them separate for now as the ProSocial group is for Renaissance Explorers only and the Conflict resolution exploration is for the wider SEEDS ecosystem. Having said that, I see heavy cross-pollinating happening. :honeybee:

How does that resonate with everyone?

5 Likes

Hi @Kath.PlanetHive and @DaYa

To clarify, actually the Conflict in Regenerative Culture is now agreed to be an Exploration Group in RE. It’s already included in @apostol’s Active Exploration document.

2 Likes

@Joost, @Aryabhatta, @spirit, @ana.healingwords, @Kath,@LaLaGardens, @psihognjen, @thaybebe, @Melanie - WirGeschichten

May I ask if you all can answer the following questions by latest Thursday 19th Aug :

  1. As suggested by @Apostol , do we want to move our discussions to the Discourse Forum?
    Exploration Group : Conflict in Regenerative Culture

  2. As suggested by @Joost, do we also want the thread to become a dedicated RE channel, and of course with @ana.healingwords guidance on this?

For both 1 and 2, suggest to experiment the consent decision-making model, meaning only respond if you object , why and provide alternative options for the group to consider.

1 Like

@Nadim @Daya - please see above post and appreciate if you could reply if you have any objections?

(Sorry I can only add 10 mentions per post at the moment as newcomer to this forum)

@Joost , @Aryabhatta, @spirit, @ana.healingwords, @Kath, @DaYa, @LaLaGardens , @psihognjen, @thaybebe, @Melanie - WirGeschichten

May I also ask for your responses by latest Thu 19 Aug about our regular Exploration Group meetings?

I am away from 23rd to 29th Aug, do we want to meet again before 23rd or after 29th Aug.

And which day is preferable, which time and frequency?

This will be useful to know sooner so I can ask @ana.healingwords to add our meeting details on RE calendar. Thank you.

1 Like

@Nadim Please can you also respond to the above question on finalising our regular meetings?

Thank you.

Conversation with @Kath.PlanetHive regarding MEETINGS on Discord Channel

From @Kath.PlanetHive

What a wonderful gathering. Thank you @Mils for your energy and effort. Your kind and calm facilitation is truly inspiring :revolving_hearts: Thank you all for your kind wisdom sharing. I am excited to be in the exploration group with you all. Thank you for having me.

I’ve added some comments in the meeting notes. Will go to the Mural now and then head over to discourse. :woman_juggling:

I would like to share some thoughts I had to your question about another get together:
May I also ask for your responses by latest Thu 19 Aug about our regular Exploration Group meetings?
I am away from 23rd to 29th Aug, do we want to meet again before 23rd or after 29th Aug.
And which day is preferable, which time and frequency?
I am fine if we continue the conversation after Aug 29 when you’ll be back @Mils . Re time and frequency, I was wondering if there is space to do timezone alternating calls?

From Mila to @Kath.PlanetHive

@Kath

Thanks for the kind words.

Yes, on scheduling through crab site. Thank you @Kath for supporting us on this.

Yes, on alternating timezones meetings (similar to Ambassador calls I think). And also I’ll ask the group if there is any objections. Will record with transcripts and key notes so each group member is looped in.

Though we do need to discuss and agree as a group before tasks / content so I propose some suggestions to consider:

  1. Why does this work matter to us individually? How do we see ourselves contributing?
  2. What’s the vision for this emergent work?
  3. How do we work together? Simple guidelines on comms, meetings, decision-making, potential conflicts, archiving docs etc.
  4. How do we focus on connection first as whole human beings (instead simply tap on our intellectual) and co-create safe, brave and creative container before any work / tasks are discussed?

I’ll include in Mural board so it’s noted for next meeting. Most of these are aligned to the Prosocial core principles too @Kath.

Yes, on moving channel to further up the chain (Part of my question relating to @Joost recommendation and waiting for @ana.healingwords to guide us where this channel needs to be - guessing under RE would be best as we are RE Exploration group for now.

Hello dear Mila :slight_smile:
Thank you for what you are doing. It is important.
My focus will be elsewhere, so please take me out of the group.
Thank you.
Greetings :pray: :green_heart:

1 Like

Hi everyone!

I think this might be an interesting document for this exploration group :slight_smile:

1 Like

Hello fellow explorers, here is the crabfit for our regular gatherings after Aug 29: Crab Fit

Please manifest time/date that works best for you :rainbow::dancer:

From @Kath.PlanetHive at Conflict channel on Discord:

Great! Thank you @Mils for laying out the next steps for us :raised_hands:

Here is the crabfit to manifest our days/times for regular exploration group gatherings: Crab Fit

I’ll include in Mural board so it’s noted for next meeting. Most of these are aligned to the Prosocial core principles too @Kath.

Yes, I can see that alignment. These questions are great to explore! :dancer: I am wondering what the best way is to explore them synchronized and a-synchronized. Would maybe each question deserve a section in Regenerative Social Relations ? Only if it can be co-edited, I suppose - @spirit would you have more info around the tool? I feel Mural might not offer enough space to write several paragraphs and opening a topic for each question in Discourse forum could get a bit messy as well. I am happy to follow the group’s lead.

Reply from Mila
NEXT MEETING FROM 30TH AUG Firstly thank you @Kath for the crab.fit link for our group to complete Crab Fit Because we’ll cover how we work together, I am going to suggest for a 1 hr 30 min meeting, and anyone who needs to leave can leave earlier. Appreciate that not everyone can stay that long.

Crab Fit

Enter your availability to find a time that works for everyone!

@Kath For a group working doc so people can answer the questions in asynchronous way, I’ll think through what would be the the best.

I may use the Mural board and redesign the layout so people can easily submit their responses. It’ll also be easier to categories similarities and differences.

Additionally, I’d like to also suggest for people to do the Prosocial matrix, in addition to connecting questions below that I may simplify again.

  1. Why does this work matter to us individually? How do we see ourselves contributing?
  2. What’s the vision for this emergent work?
  3. How do we work together? Simple guidelines on comms, meetings, decision-making, potential conflicts, archiving docs etc.
  4. How do we focus on connection first as whole human beings (instead simply tap on our intellectual) and co-create safe, brave and creative container before any work / tasks are discussed?

I’ll send something by latest Friday so people can complete and also remind everyone to complete the crab.fit calendar.

Reply from Michael (@spirit)

@Kath — I think it’s best that people create content using the software tools they feel most comfortable with then post it here, on the RE forum thread, or on the mural board.

Also, I think it would be great that if someone is really interested in a specific area of “regenerative social relations” they can start a thread in the discord about that specific topic. This way it can be a bit more organized.

The threads will archive after three days but as soon as someone responds to an archived thread, it becomes live again. I may do this soon to model this idea if anyone wants to follow.

Overall, I will do my best to continue curating info into the main craft doc and Mila I’m sure will do the same in her own way. Anyone else is also free to do the same in a way they prefer. Perhaps in a month or so once a good amount of content has flowed in through our initial freeform burst of energy and conversation, then we can start emphasizing focus areas and perhaps get a truly collaborative doc going for anyone who wants to add to those focus areas.

That’s my feeling. I think we’re in the do-ocracy phase right now

Hi @spirit and ,@Joost, @ana.healingwords, @Kath, @DaYa, @LaLaGardens , @psihognjen, @thaybebe, @Melanie - WirGeschichten

In principle I agree on your proposals. And if I may, I’d like to build on your proposals with additional perspectives to consider:

Firstly, I sense that we need to agree on our group’s name because we haven’t agreed this yet what it’d be. If we start a working group with different names, it’s confusing for not only the group identity but also for other people to know what to call us and understand what we’re about.

Second, I think it is important that we need to coalesce together as an exploration group on what our shared intention/ vision are. This allows us to be on the same page on our group purpose and identity, and agree what are we intending to explore and possibly deliver. In living systems, this shared purpose is called the function of an organism. @LaLaGardens understands this well.

Any living organism has a function (we are a living organism too). The moment the relationships and information flow changes that do not serve the intended function, the living system is imbalanced until it is able to evolve organically to another function or go into dysfunctional state, and eventually entropy or death.

For example, a European football team has a function. Change the rules of the game that no longer function as a football game such as change the relationships between players to the ball by using hands to pass the ball as opposed to foot, this group is no longer functioning as a football team by society’s understanding of what a football team is (group name and identity).

Similar example can be applied to all living organisms such as when a heart is functioning as a kidney. It completely shapes and shifts the whole human body’s organ systems and relationships, and possibly would destroy the human body completely.

Thirdly, agree with you that we need to appreciate diversity of learning and comms styles.

I applaud the sentiment and care for appreciating this diversity of on your proposal @spirit , and yet difficult to organise the many threads into one source of information in order to provide coherent understanding of shared information to the group for decision-making and updates etc.

Who gets to do the work on a consistent basis? Who has the time?

And how much confusion and effort would it bring if there are many different information in many different platforms? For example: SEEDS ecosystem itself.

Therefore, the proposal is that we do need to agree our comms together as an agenda item that meets all needs in our next meeting.

The best way to explain function (purpose) of a system is from the words of Donella Meadows ( a renowned systems thinker and practitioner):

image

image

image

image

None of the 3 above are agreed yet by group. We need to agree on our purpose (function) to inform the "form "on how we work together . Form follows function , not the other way round. In our human living systems, the form is processes, governances, systems such as trust building, comms, decision-making, meetings, conflict, celebrations etc.

When we agree to all the above, from my lived experience, we do need to validate what we say and our assumptions by experimenting in short sprints/ timelines of which will learn and celebrate. This feedback system will inform us what to do as next steps in iterative stages that would shape further our forms due to the exploration and emergent phases that we are all in co-evolving together in a live, dynamic and constantly changing landscape.

This is how living system evolves and change. Learning and celebrating feedback loops include reviewing our assumptions and mental models and social/ cultural influences behind it so we don’t get stuck with assumptions/ beliefs/ mental models/ cultures that no longer serve us, and designing/ actioning new processes/ activities/ experiments from those patternings.

In my view, thats how we can evolve organically as a living organism in an emergent way rather than be unconsciously driven by old social constructs that some may no longer serve us, especially relating to regenerative culture. From this shared intention and comms perspective , it’s then the intention is to move forward so we can move in symbiosis together whilst appreciating and complimenting all our unique and diverse talents, learning and comms style.

My invitation is to discuss all of the above in our next group meeting for rich discussions and perspectives. In the meanwhile, the invitation is to to be effective in our work together asynchronously and temporarily in a unified way for ease of understanding for all group members and minimal effort required to all until we meet in person and agree what would work for us all. How is this as a complementary proposal, building on what you suggest @spirit?

We will add this posting in our forum and in a document with link in Mural board.

1 Like

The Nature of Conflict

A conflict is the moment of truth in a relationship-a test of its health, a crisis that can weaken or strengthen it, a critical event that may bring lasting resentment, smoldering hostility, psychological scars. Conflicts can push people away from each other or pull them into a closer and more intimate union; they contain the seeds of destruction and the seeds of greater unity; they may bring about armed warfare or deeper mutual understanding.

How conflicts are resolved is probably the most critical factor in all relationships. Unfortunately, most people try to resolve them by using only two basic approaches in which someone wins and someone loses, both of which outcomes are ineffective and harmful to the relationship.

Few persons accept the fact that conflict is part of life and not necessarily bad. We look on conflict as something to avoid at all costs. We often hear husbands and wives boast that they have never had a serious disagreement-as if that means theirs has been a good relationship.

Parents tell their children, “All right, there is to be no arguing tonight at the dinner table-we don’t want to spoil our dinner.” Or they yell, “Stop that arguing, right now!” Parents of teenagers can be heard lamenting that now that their children are older there are many more disagreements and conflicts in the family. “We used to see eye to eye on most things.” Or, “My daughter was always so cooperative and easy to handle, but now we don’t see things her way and she can’t see things our way.”

At home or at work, most of us hate to experience conflict, are deeply trouble when it occurs, and are quite confused about how to handle it constructively. Actually, it would be a rare relationship if, over a period of time, one person’s needs did not conflict with the other’s. When any two people (or groups) coexist, conflict is bound to occur just because people are different, think differently, and have needs and wants that sometimes do not match.

Conflict, therefore, is not necessarily bad-it exists as a reality of any relationship. As a matter of fact, a relationship with no apparent conflict may be unhealthier than one with frequent conflict. A good example is a marriage where the wife is always subservient to a dominating husband or vice versa, or a boss-subordinate relationship in which the subordinate is so deathly afraid of the boss that s/he does not dare cross him/her in any way.

Most people have known families, especially large families, where conflict crops up constantly and yet these families are wonderfully happy and healthy. Conversely, we often see newspaper accounts of youthful criminals whose parents indicate complete astonishment that their boy could do such a thing. They say they never had any trouble with him; he had always been so “cooperative” which is usually a euphemism of “obedient.”

Conflict in a family or a work group, openly expressed and accepted as a natural phenomenon, can be far healthier than most people think. Members have the opportunity to experience conflict, learn how to cope with it, and be better prepared to deal with it in later life. And family conflict may actually be beneficial, provided that the conflict in the home gets resolved constructively.

This is the critical factor in any relationship: how their conflicts get resolved, not how many conflicts occur. It is the most critical factor in determining whether a relationship will be healthy or unhealthy, mutually satisfying or unsatisfying, friendly or unfriendly, deep or shallow, intimate or cold, peaceful or violent.

One of the best explanation I’ve seen so far on human conflict
https://www.gordontraining.com/free-parenting-articles/the-nature-of-conflict/

RE - CONFLICT EXPLORATION GROUP MEETING - Tue 31 Aug 8pm UTC

@Joost @Aryabhatta @spirit @DaYa @LaLaGardens @psihognjen @thaybebe @Melanie - WirGeschichten @Kath.PlanetHive

This will be bi-weekly meeting . We will start for Tue 31 Aug 8pm UTC (as per most responses on group google form) and explore together how we can have our meetings to cater for all timezones , perhaps have 2 meetings.

Also anyone that are outside of the existing exploration group are welcome to join simply as silent observer first. Please contact @Mils on Discord if you’d like to attend as silent observer.

The exploration group needs to agree first on how we work together going forward, including on how new people join or existing ones leave etc.